Sah “guys guys, this was very disappointing, no team work, and total lack of commitment, our approach is reckless; we just can’t rush in with all arrows blazing!”
Archer Sah “what about we rush in with some arrows blazing?”
Sah “No”
Archer Sah “what about one arrow blazing?”
Thief Sah “I want to protest”
Pacifist Sah “what’s the matter honey?”
Thief Sah ”why do I have to do all the sneaking?, everyone is looking at my butt”
Pacifist Sah “well, It would help if you put on some panties”
Sah “guys we are getting side tracked”
Archer Sah “what about we walk in with half a arrow blazing?”
Sah “our focus is on how to take out Nimhe the spider in Markarth?”
Thief Sah “we could use insect replant?”
Pacifist Sah “or a real big glass?”
Archer Sah “we can go and visit Hroki”
Sah “Horki? witch one is that?”
Archer Sah “Silver-blood Inn ....sabertooth g-string"
Sah “Hroki ,,,,ohhh yea, I remember her mmmmm”
Thief Sah “it would make a good slingshot hehehe”
Sah “good idea, Archer Sah are you listening? ....It’s your job to take out the giant spider”
Archer Sah “uhmmm what? ....still having flashbacks about the sabertooth slingshot”
Sah “hello. The giant spider, you go in slingshot blazing”
Archer Sah “good... lets go see Hroki."
Sah "where are the rest of the guys?”
Pacifist Sah “Mage Sah is in Winterhold trying to stop the mages from moving to Hogwarts”
Sah “what about Assassin Sah?”
Pacifist Sah “dont tell me you forgot?"
Sah “yea that's right, Assassin Sah is having electroshock therapy for multiple personality disorder, still thinks she's the Night Mother!”
Markarth, Nchuand-Zel Excavation Site
Sah "quiet guys, this is a quick insertion, its in and out, who has the list?"
Pacifist Sah "that's me, trust me its all under control"
Sah "OK this is the plan, we kill the spider and grab all the loot on the list, Archer Sah will cover us with the slingshot, you did remember to bring it?"
Archer Sah "yes I did, Thief Sah is wearing it"
Sah "Thief Sah take it off, we got work to do"
Thief Sah "I protest!!!!! every one will be looking at me again"
Pacifist Sah "oh shut up, you like it"
Sah "are we ready?, on the count of three, one........two ........"
Pacifist Sah "uhm sorry to interrupt, but are you sure we are after loot?, the list says buy eye liner, shampoo & conditioner, nail polish, lipstick, & battery's for uhmmm, ohhh never mind...but nothing about loot?"
Thief Sah "I knew it was a mistake to bring her along"
Sah "will deal with her later, but I need you to take off the slingshot right now"
Archer Sah "yea stop stalling and take off the slingshot"
Pacifist Sah "yes stop stalling, people have paid good money for this"
Thief Sah "why are you holding a video camera?"
Sah "its going to be one of those days"
Some time later...... Back at the Secret Hide Out
Sah "surprise, look who is back? .... Its Mage & Assassin Sah"
Assassin Sah "tra la la, tra la lee, da da dum dum, dee dee..."
Sah "see told you the therapy would work"
Assassin Sah "Let's kill someone?"
Archer Sah "yep! she is back to normal"
Mage Sah "so what did I miss?"
Archer Sah "the usual, Thief Sah forgot to put on her slingshot again"
Thief Sah “I want to protest”
Pacifist Sah "oh not again, that's all you do, just protest?"
Thief Sah "what did I say?, I've got rights too"
Pacifist Sah "one day I am going to hurt you real bad"
Thief Sah "it looks like you're angry?"
Pacifist Sah "I AM NOT ANGRY!"
Thief Sah "you sound angry?"
Pacifist Sah "well, I'm angry now, but I wasn't before"
Mage Sah "so whats the plan?"
Sah "we came to Skyrim to pursue a dream, and now that dream's turned into......"
Mage Sah "a nightmare?"
Sah "can you let me finish?"
Mage Sah "oh, sorry"
Sah "as I was saying, the dream"
Pacifist Sah "what dream?"
Sah "uhm well ....it lost its impact now?"
Mage Sah "is it the one about being stuck in a cage like some animal at the zoo?"
Sah "cage? ...what zoo?"
Archer Sah "uhmm ... that was not a dream"
Pacifist Sah "what do you mean, not a dream?"
Archer Sah "remember that stripper part time job?"
Thief Sah “I must protest”
Pacifist Sah "here we go again"
Sah "guys, about the dream?"
Archer Sah "I think she liked it? Being leered at like some animal at the zoo?"
Sah "I was speaking metaphorically"
Mage Sah "about witch part? about the dream or stripper job?"
Assassin Sah "Oohhh... Just... Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab! And then... Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab!"
Archer Sah "thats right Assassin Sah, No tip ... Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab!"
Thief Sah "I think that's why the strip joint closed down in the first place ....bad tippers"
Sah "as I was saying, the dream"
Assassin Sah "He he he he he he he he he he...Thief Sah? its about time you get a new job"
Thief Sah “I protest !!!!!!”
Pacifist Sah "I am going to hurt you"
Archer Sah "I will go get the video camera"
Thief Sah “what do you need the camera for?”
Sah "this is turning into a nightmare"
Mage Sah "see I told ya
Replies
Sah: good news guys we got a new job from the Companions
Pacifist Sah: its about time, we're broke
[Thief Sah is sobbing in the corner]
Sah: whats up with her someone steal her slingshot again?
Archer Sah: No she had a hot date with Brynjolf and he dumped her
Theif Sah: I protest ...ohhh why me?
Pacifist Sah: here we go again!
Thief Sah: I haven't heard from him since yesterday. I've called, left messages even tried sending nude text no response.
Sah: there's probably a perfectly good explanation.
Thief Sah: you think so?
Assassin Sah: he could be seeing some one else?
Mage Sah: there you go that sounds like a perfectly good explanation
Assassin Sah: he could be dead?
Mage Sah: thanks guys you make me feel so much better
Sah: YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE about this job from the Companions, some one has been kidnapped & its our job to rescue them.
Pacifist Sah: cant the Companions do it?
Archer Sah: yea they just keep on giving us crappy and underpaid jobs
Sah: NO.... this job is special and needs our upmost discretion
Pacifist Sah: our lips are sealed we got any suspects?
Archer Sah: any ransom demand?
Assassin Sah: any letters with body parts?
Thief Sah: who is the victim?
Sah: Victims name is Nazeem, and just about every one in Whiterun is a suspect, we have not received any body parts yet, but we got a note, we have to rescue him from Lost Echo Cave and escort him back.
[Suddenly out from deep under the covers appears .....]
Reporter Sah: hello beloved readers
Sah: what in the name of Talos?
Mage Sah: Ohhhh, think I just .... my self
Reporter Sah: this one is deep undercover, and is following up on a kidnapping story
Sah: how do you know about that?
Reporter Sah: Twitter
Sah: what?.... you tweeted it?
Thief Sah: sorry
Pacifist Sah: whats done is done but will deal with you later
Reporter Sah: Whats the story? what do you have so far?
Assassin Sah: Brynjolf dumped Thief Sah
Thief Sah: I protest!
Pacifist Sah: not again, keep it up and will hurt you
Reporter Sah: he could be dead or even worse seeing some one else
Assassin Sah: that's what I said but the other way around
Reporter Sah: no its not the same, being dead is much better from .....
Sah: guys guys focus on the Mission please
Mage Sah: wait ...your not letting her stay?
Reporter Sah: this one is deep undercover and would like to be embedded
Pacifist Sah: embedded with what?
Thief Sah: so you really think hes dead?
Reporter Sah: wants to be embedded into the team, the readers want to know what its like working for the Companions?
Archer Sah: they just keep giving us crap and underpaid jobs
Mage Sah: and don't forget all the ticks & fleas
Thief Sah: and you have to be discrete
Pacifist Sah: something you obviously know nothing about, never heard about YouTube?
Archer Sah: yea we could of made a brilliant video of the mission with trippie music
Sah: speaking of missions .....how about we focus on this one
Assassin Sah: was hoping you forgot
Pacifist Sah: yea cant the companions do it?
Thief Sah: do what?. .
[swinging a slingshot above her head]
Reporter Sah: this slingshot is so cool
Sah: in the name of Mara who gave her a slingshot?
Thief Sah: I gave her my slingshot
Sah: why on Nirn did you do that?
Thief Sah: she would have stolen it anyways
Archer Sah: its not my fault we only have one
Thief Sah: and you know?.. remember... the inbedding thing?
Sah: what inbedding thing?
Reporter Sah: yea and please don't forget my secret initiation!
Thief Sah: oh you be so glad to be inbedded with us tonight
Assassin Sah: embedded you idiot not inbedded your hearing aid not working again?
Thief Sah: what?
Sah: she's a reporter, you don't give reporters slingshots! only a idiot would give a reporter a slingshot
Thief Sah: I protest!!!!
Pacifist Sah: you heard that
Reporter Sah: why dose she always say I protest all the time?
Assassin Sah: she's a thief what you expect her to say I confess
Sah: and you reporter careful where you point that thing
Reporter Sah: hmmm Hroki had her g-string stolen, this one might have to investigate and do a story?
Pacifist Sah: please don't tell me your going deep undercover again?
Archer Sah: wow going deep undercover when your already deep undercover
Pacifist Sah: is that even possible?
Assassin Sah: be very hot
Sah: we cant sit here talking about mission details all day ....OK lets get going
Pacifist Sah: not sure about one thing the embedded part, embed her with what?
Thief Sah: what?
TO BE CONTINUED
.
Strange Narrators Voice: "Previously on Sah vs Sah's"
Archer Sah: "what.... who said that?"
Mage Sah: "Ohhh ....think I just my self!"
Assassin Sah: "ohh no the voices?"
Strange Narrators Voice: "I said Previously on Sah vs Sah's"
Archer Sah: "there it is again?"
Mage Sah: "Ohhh ....think I just my self again"
Assassin Sah: "I knew it was only a matter of time before we started hearing voices and stuff"
Strange Narrators Voice: "As I said Previously on Sah vs Sah's, Ohhh forget it ...... "
[after some time]
Strange Narrators Voice: "And now the Conclusion of Sah vs Sah's & the Twitter Story"
Archer Sah: "what.... her we go again....who said that?"
Mage Sah: "Ohhh ....think I just my self....AGAIN"
Assassin Sah: "not the voices..."
Pacifist Sah: "RELAX.....deep breaths......breath into the paper bag"
Strange Narrators Voice: "why do I get all the Armatures? …. as I said AND NOW THE CONCULUSION of Sah vs Sah's & the Twitter Story"
.
Reporter Sah: "Hello beloved readers 5am Sunday, and we are standing outside of Lost Eco Cave …."
Sah: "I wish she hurry up"
Mage Sah: "yea I had to cancel my Pilates session with that hot Elf instructor"
Sah: "since when did being tortured become a Pilates workout?"
Mage Sah: "TORTURE?"
Sah: "yea you idiot that hot Elf is a Thalmor Justiciar"
Mage Sah: "and your point is?"
Reporter Sah: "As I was saying we are standing outside of Lost Eco Cave & this is what we know so far about the kidnapping of Nazeem"
Assassin Sah: "he's in a cave somewhere?"
Thief Sah: "got a idea! … we can go around the back and use the back door"
Reporter Sah: "caves don't have back doors ....hey where did every one go?"
Thief Sah: "they all went around the back to use the back door"
[some time later]
Reporter Sah: "Hello beloved readers 7am Sunday, and we are standing outside of the back door of Lost Eco Cave …."
Sah: "wish she hurry up"
Mage Sah: "yea I had to cancel my Pilates session with that hot Elf instructor"
Sah: "since when did being tortured become a Pilates workout?"
Mage Sah: "TORTURE?"
Sah: "didn't we just do this a moment ago?"
Mage Sah: "and your point is?"
Reporter Sah: "this one is embedded with a Elite Companions Black Ops Secret Team witch is ready to storm Lost Eco Cave and save kidnaped Nazeem"
Pacifist Sah: "I knew it …. she on about the embedding thing again?"
Reporter Sah: "Victims name is Nazeem, and just about every one in Whiterun is a suspect, we have not received any body parts yet, but we got a note"
Archer Sah: "are getting paid for this?"
Sah: "yep"
Archer Sah: "how much?"
Sah: "the usual Elite Companions Black Ops rates … 100 gold"
Archer Sah: "and how much is the ransom?'
Sah: "5000 gold"
Archer Sah: "OK is it just me? ….. what's wrong with this picture?"
Assassin Sah: "uhmm no body parts?"
Reporter Sah: "THEFT, BERGLARY, KIDNAPINGS, ASULT, TRESPASSING, BRIBARY, MURDER, KILLING PEOPLE the list goes on and on and on"
Pacifist Sah: "wow these bandits might be a hand full"
Mage Sah: "naaaa ….. she's talking about us silly"
Reporter Sah: "the situation seems hopeless beloved readers … if only Todd Skywalker from Planet Beth was here?"
Pacifist Sah: "where is Assassin Sah?"
Sah: "she's over there talking to someone"
[near by over there]
Assassin Sah: "hello there"
R2-D2: Beep bopp bipp
Assassin Sah: "what press this button here?"
[suddenly a hologram appears]
Princess Leia: "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi"
Assassin Sah: "uhm yea ... I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi"
Princess Leia: "I have the secret stolen Elder Scrolls 6 plans!"
.
Strange Narrators Voice: "If you think your confused its OK ...your not alone"
Archer Sah: "what what what.... there is that voice again....who said that?"
Mage Sah: "Ohhh ....think I just my self....AGAIN"
Strange Narrators Voice: "what dose all this have to do with Twitter?"
Assassin Sah: "remains silent"
Strange Narrators Voice: "to be continued"
CROSSOVERS - other worlds
.
Sah & The Coke bottle
Hhhhhhhhuuuuuuuu hhhhhhhhuuuuuuu vweeep vweep vweep rrrhhhhhhhuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh.....
a PINK T.A.R.D.I.S Materializing .......The PINK T.A.R.D.I.S has materialized!
the pink door of the T.A.R.D.I.S swings open and out walks Sah
Sah "thanks Doctor for picking this one up from Falskaar and returning me to Skyrim"
Doctor "no problems Sah, and thanks for helping me paint the TARDIS!"
Sah "any time, Pink is this one favoret color, .... its dark in here where are we?"
[a buzzing sound echos as the Doctor pulls out her sonic hand bag and lights up the place]
Doctor "we are 2000 years in the past and this is Tutankhamun Tomb, he was an Egyptian pharaoh of the 18th dynasty during the period of Egyptian history known as the New Kingdom or sometimes the New Empire Period"
[Sah pulls out her sword and shield and gets into her fighting stance]
Sah "OK stand back Ive got this"
Doctor "got what?"
Sah "any minuet now Tutankhamun will pop out of his sarcophagus and start shooting thunderbolts at us with his staff"
Doctor "no he wont"
Sah "ohhh yes he will"
Doctor "Sah this is Earth not Skyrim, things don't pop out of tombs trying to kill you"
Sah "yea right tell that to Dracula"
Doctor "uhhh what? you got me there I forgot about him"
Sah "I don't get it? why bring this one here if there is no Priest King Tutankhamun?"
Doctor "well you said you wanted to see a special tomb or ruins before we got back to Skyrim"
Sah "yea but but....no Priest King Tutankhamun"
Doctor "Come on Sah we are wasting time, and Ive just regenerated into a woman, got the eager to start multi tasking and doing emotional stuff"
Sah "karma is a [censored], this will teach you to make 900 year of bad women jokes, and how can you waist time? you got a time machine"
[The Doctor start walking back to the Pink T.A.R.D.I.S]
Doctor "Oh, brilliant! .....uhmm Sah whats that in your hand?"
Sah "its a bottle of Coke, got it when you took this one to the year 2020 to buy the newly released Elder Scrolls 6"
Doctor "hurry up I'm going to check the toilet seat and then we are off to Skyrim'
[The Doctor walks back into the PINK T.A.R.D.I.S as Sah walks up to King Tutankhamun Sarcophagus and places the empty Coke bottle on it]
Sah "this empty Coke bottle will blow there minds when they dig this place up in 2000 years .....giggles"
This Sah character sounds absolutely mad.